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The Holy Spirit Board: A Ouija Board For Christians?

Aug 19, 2022

And you thought Ouija Boards were only for summoning demons!

     When I was a little boy, my mother always told me that if she ever caught me using an Ouija Board that she would "bend me over backwards, and spank me on the bare penis!" so I was always afraid to use them. Thats why I was surprised to learn that so many Christian mothers across the country were flocking to Amazon to buy this new spirit board for their teens to reconnect them with their faith.

     It's called "The Holy Spirit Board" and unlike other spirit boards that are designed to contact ghosts and demons, this one is only designed to connect you with our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. But does it really work? We decided to ask Mary, 34, a single mother, OnlyFans model, and an avid user of the "Holy Spirit Board".

     "I've been a Christian my whole life, so prayer wasn't anything new to me", she recalls, "but it wasn't until I got the Holy Spirit Board that the messages of Christ really started to make sense to me. I used to spend my nights high on cocaine and neglecting my family. One night, my dealer suggested I try the Holy Spirit Board, and it turned my whole life around! Now I spend nights in with my kids, and we talk to Jesus using the Holy Spirit Board. And the best part is, I didn't have to stop using cocaine!"

     While Mary may have seen the light, some aren't so enthusiastic about this new spirit board. 

     "Ya, one time this bitch started telling me that the Holy Spirit Board didn't really work", she tells us, "but just like it says on the box: Anyone who says the Holy Spirit Board doesn't work is both a liar AND a sinner in the eyes of our Lord, Amen".

The Holy Spirit Board is on sale now at Amazon.com
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